Monday, March 14, 2011

Apologies And Insults!

First, I'm gonna apologize for not getting any new issues out - gimme a bit, I'll have a few up. I've moved halfway across town, had to get a bunch of stuff done and generally had no time to write.

Second, I'm also apologizing for the writer's block. I'm at the beginning of another story that's got me wondering WHO to start with, so I'm in the conceptual phase.

Third, writers fucking suck. All of you need to choke on a biscuit and die. Every single one of you. I hate all of you not because you're better or worse than me, but because what you write has absolutely no point whatsoever.

I will point out that there's a difference between writers and authors. The difference is that a writer writes, and an author composes. It's the difference between Van Gogh and a retard with a crayon up his nose dragging his face across the table, or some Jackass player with a flute up his ass and Beethoven.

A writer will have one or two characters and all their stories will revolve around that one or two characters and it's how AWESOME their life is and nothing ever goes wrong and it's always either an adventure without plot or a romance 

without reason. A lot of romance writers and idealistic (and immature) girls (sometimes high school but often well into their twenties or, even more sadly, thirties) fall into the group of "writers" that insist this type of dribble is art.

To quote TV Tropes...

The starry-eyed pacifist will be able to settle wars, get people to understand each other, and to destroy the Big Bad in a glowing ball of goodness entirely by accident. The cynic is often depicted as someone who would make matters worse, or a Knight Templar General Ripper advocating Nuke Em All as a solution to every problem. If the world is a horrible place to live, the heroes will fix it. And The Good Guys Always, Always Win. Abridged: Right Makes Might.

Newsflash, boneheads. You're not telling a story, you're writing something that has the literary value of a snot bubble that got wiped on the ads in the Sunday newspaper. People do want romance, yes, but if all they're doing is sitting around being lovey-dovey without any kind of plot beyond "Insert Tab A Into Slot B" (even if it's just any of that crap out of Red Shoe Diaries), it isn't a story, it's a scenario.

And a boring one at that.

If you need some inspiration, go look up your favorite movie, book or story on TV Tropes and see what kinds of tropes it uses. Make stories using some of those. At least use a mystery where the detective seduces information out of people. Christ, SPONGEBOB has more plot than some of the pisswater you're trying to pass off as beer.

... Anyway... More Unda Vosari: Chronicles soon. Also, the books are being worked on.